Hazard to Myself
by waitingFORthePERFECTsong9092
Summary: For Logan life just wasn't worth living when there was nothing to live for. But once he realizes he can not actually bring himself to take his own life, he knows he must put it in the hands of someone else. AU Jagan slash
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: So here's my new story, which is indeed another Jagan. The inspiration from this story came about after reading BTRLoganLover123456789's story "Hit Me", and loving the idea of Logan not wanting to kill himself, so he hires a hit man to do the job for him. I've already asked BTRLoganLover123456789 if I could use her idea, and it's all good :) In no way am I going to plagiarize the other story, I have my own ideas.**_

_**I dedicate this story to my friend Christa, who has been pushing me to start this story since I've thought of the idea. This story is hers, so whatever she wants, she's going to get. **_

_**So, here we go!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own BTR or anything you may recognize. **_

"Yes, I'd like to place an anonymous hit on someone."

Logan couldn't pinpoint when exactly in his life he had gotten so desperate that he lost the will to live. It feels like his life is in a constant downward spiral, and he's not so sure how much longer he can continue living this way. Sure, he has his college career almost complete (he's currently a junior, an accounting major), he has 2 friends he can probably count on (but why would they care about him when they're constantly sucking face all day long), but otherwise what else does he have? His mother passed away when he was 13, his dad and him don't even have contact with each other, it's not like anyone would miss him or notice he's gone. These are just the constant thoughts that run through his mind when he's plagued with insomnia.

He's proud of his college career: he always makes the dean's list every semester, he got into his school's business school before anyone else in his class even applied, he even has people look to him for tutoring so he can make some extra cash. He's always been a great student; it's the only thing he's ever been good at. Since he really had no friends before college, most of his time was spent doing various homework and studying. He graduated within the top of his high school class, and all the colleges he applied to gave him a free ride with a full scholarship. So when it was time to pick the college, he decided to go as far away as possible, moving from Pennsylvania to California, thinking maybe a new life in a new state would make things better. And it did for a while, he no longer had his dad breathing down his neck, the school basically looking at him from under a microscope, and he even made two friends who he had stuff somewhat in common. Kendall and Carlos were the first to accept him for who he is, and not second guess their first impressions of Logan. But even though he had some things going for him, nothing took away the feeling of the feeling that his life meant nothing and that he was put on this earth for no true purpose.

Logan and Kendall were roommates freshman year. Kendall took Logan under his wing, wanting to make sure his hermit of a roommate got out some and explore his new surroundings. Kendall was easy to bond with, being that Kendall himself is gay, and even though Logan wasn't out and proud about it, having Kendall be that way made Logan want to be that way too. With Kendall came Carlos, and Logan later learned they were boyfriends for almost 3 years at the time of being freshmen. It was never a surprise when Logan would be sleeping and he'd hear some things he probably wouldn't ever have heard coming from Kendall's bed. Carlos also attended the same school, but would always prefer to stay in Kendall's room. Logan never had the heart to confront Kendall about their late night sex-capades when he was in the next bed, solely because Kendall was his first real friend and he didn't want to piss him off in any way. So he just invested in a pair of noise canceling headphones and let the soothing melodies of Michael Buble/Josh Groban bring him into the realm of unconsciousness.

His mom was his number one supporter, so when she passed away from a brain stem stroke, it hit Logan hard. Of course, his father would always nag about him sulking and to just shape up, so Logan truthfully never was able to mourn properly. His mother knew everything about him: she knew what his favorite foods were, what type of books he liked to read, how whenever he had a bad day at school he craved his mother's warm embrace, and most of all she knew he is gay, something his homophobic father could never accept. Since her passing, Logan always felt a part of him was missing, and was truly upset with the fact that she was no longer there to defend him from his father.

High school was not a cakewalk for him, either. Sure, when he first entered high school, no one really paid attention to him, until that one fateful night, when Logan decides to go to a party that a student he was tutoring invited him to, but all that went to shit. Basically, he decided he wanted to let loose, and follow what other kids were doing, which was drinking in excessive amounts and have sex with whomever was offering. Now the alcohol made him extremely social, and bolder than he normally would be. He found himself doing and saying things he would previously never fathom of doing, so when Jett Stetson, captain of every popular sports team from his school, propositioned him, he didn't say no. And since Logan was questioning his sexuality, he figured this would be a great way to experiment. One thing lead to another, and Monday morning when he arrived back at school, the whispers of students talking about Logan and Jett's affair had spread. And what made it worse, was that Jett spun it so Logan was the one that propositioned him, and that he denied anything happened on his end. Of course, no one would believe Logan if he even tried to have people see the truth, so he just sucked it up, and counted down the days till he was done getting his education in that hell hole.

There wasn't an exact moment when Logan started thinking about ending his life, the thoughts had slowly crept in since the day his mom died. They started out small, nothing to be alarmed by, but slowly grew to where they were now. To the point Logan was literally calling a hit on himself. Because he wasn't brave enough to take his own life. I had considered a lot of things: hanging himself, swallowing a bottle full of pills, shooting himself, walking purposely into oncoming traffic, but whenever he actually tried to do it, a nagging little pull in his gut kept telling him not to. Like there was something he was going to find that would make life worth living. But he couldn't handle the feelings and thoughts that plagued him day in and day out, making it difficult to even breathe sometimes. He had made the decision that calling a hit on himself was the most logical way to kill himself without _actually_ killing himself.

So as he picked up his cell phone, dialing the number, he waited with bated breath for the phone to pick up on the other end, hearing the surprisingly soothing and calm voice of the receptionist. With a shakey voice he spoke. "Yes, I'd like to place an anonymous hit on someone."...His one and only step was completed, and now his life was literally in someone else's hands. He hung up the phone, sighing deeply. He was, for once, at peace.

_**So… what do you all think? Review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: Thank you to all who reviewed/fav'd/and alerted this story. It means a lot to me that you're taking an interest, and wanting to see how this plays out. I promise you this will NOT BE A CHARACTER DEATH story or a story about cutting. I have my reasons, and feel free to ask me why I will never write a story on cutting/eating disorders. **_

_**Sorry this took a while, I've just been busy with school stuff and issues with not having Christa be able to help me write the chapter haha. **_

_**Also, sorry this is short, but this just an intro into James's life. I can promise you chapters will get longer as the plot thickens. **_

_**Again, this story is dedicated to my friend Christa, who has been my number one fan for this story since it's creation in my mind. It's her story; I'm just the writer.**_

_**I do not own BTR, or anything you may recognize. **_

He didn't know what time it was, it could be six o'clock in the morning, it could be ten o'clock at night, all James Diamond knew was that he was caffeine deprived and needed a fix badly. He walked into his small office, turning on his coffee machine before seeing what the manila envelope on his desk contained.

He picked up the large item, and went to open it until he realized that his brain fog would not allow him to fully concentrate on what he was reading. In James's line of work, paying close attention was pretty vital. When you are a professional killer, even the smallest detail can make the process of a hit go extremely smooth, or unbearably complicated. There was too much complication in James's life already, so he always tried to get in and get out. No fuss no muss.

James was serious about his line of work. Unless his mind was clear, he wouldn't move forward with any step of the process. His personal cell phone was always on silent whenever he was on the job (his work cell phone however, was always at hand). No distractions equal a clean and quick hit. No matter how tired he is, he always drinks at least a few cups of coffee within the day, he always needs to stay sharp. So before he moves forward in opening up that folder, he must drink that cup of coffee.

After that first sip, he immediately feels refreshed, and is ready to start his day. And that means opening up the folder. He sits at his desk, and takes a deep breath, yet another life is being put into his hands. Although this wasn't the exact career he wanted, it's what pleased his father. James's father, Brad, was not a man to mess with, and he was also James's idol. James would never tell his father that his true dream was to be a superstar/model hybrid or share with his father his true sexuality. His father would disown him, and even though his family was always dysfunctional he didn't want to be the cause of more dysfunction. So he kept his mouth shut and did what he had to do to please his father, and pay the bills. After all, the lifestyle James lives is not one that can be afforded by making minimum wage.

The file is always the same. On the outside is the name of the person who the hit is on. The inside though, this is what's always different. And the shock of what was on the inside of this folder is what makes James's heart break. He takes a look at the photo of the man, only 20 years young. A college student, who as he can see from his long rap sheet of accomplishments, has a future ahead of him. But the main mystery: why is this man, who James sees is named Logan Mitchell, is on a hit list? Who would want to harm this man? But the main question is, why is James so intrigued by the man? This was definitely going to be hard.

He's lost in his thoughts when his father makes an entrance into his office. Whenever Brad enters a room, everyone knows it's him. James quickly looks at his father, many questions he wants to ask but knows he can't. Always needs to act professional.

"So I see you see your next hit." Brad notices James reading.

"Yes, sir" James responds, formally.

"Do you have any questions?" Brad asks.

James has so many questions, but like previously stated, most of which Brad wouldn't accept. So he decides on one that he's sure would be acceptable.

"Yeah, actually I have one. Do you know anything about the person who put a hit on him? I mean, not to be prejudice or anything, but he seems like he would do no wrong, and would be liked by all." James queries.

Gruffly, Brad answers "Apparently it was anonymous, not sure of much else."

"Oh, that's a shame."

"Ok, so you want your assignment?" Brad mentions to James.

"Guess it's better now than later."

"Since Mr. Mitchell is on the younger side, you will pretend to be a college student. Since you two are the same age, you shouldn't have a problem with blending in. You are to enroll in his classes, get to know him. And when he's at his weakest moment, you do what you're supposed to do. One month max, do I make myself clear?"

Eyes downcast, James agrees "Crystal"

"I will be checking in once every couple of days, you are to update me on your progress. And if I feel you're not living up to your potential, I'm ripping you off of this case and you will be fired. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir!"

"Good, now, get to work!" And with that, Brad leaves the office. James is alone in his thoughts.

How is he going to pull this off? That and many more questions are running through his head. James is a master manipulator, so it wouldn't be hard for him to most likely worm his way into the smart man's life. This is just part of the job, and James is worried he's going to have to keep reminding himself that this is his job, and other feelings can't come in the way. No matter how cute the genius is in his picture, or how deep his brown eyes are, or even how his dimples make him look much younger, he can't let those feelings get in the way.

"It's just a job." Is James's mantra. It will continue to be his mantra till he can get his mind to stop thinking about Logan in a way he knows would be detrimental to his mental sanity.

But if one person could possibly change James, he thinks Logan could be the one.


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN: Sorry for the long wait! The semester is almost over, and that's when all the professors decide to load on all the work. However, only 2 more weeks of this, and then I'll be able to get back into my writing and update on a more regulated schedule. **_

_**So I think for this story, every chapter will rotate between the point-of-views. Like first chapter was Logan's, the second James's, and this chapter will be Logan's. That's the plan for now, I'll note when things are different, and also remind of who's POV it is.**_

_**So without further a do…**_

_**I do not own BTR or anything you may recognize. **_

As soon as Logan turned off his alarm this morning, he knew today was going to be different. It wasn't as if he knew exactly what was going to happen, he just knew something is going to. He looks to the empty bed across the room from him, once again taking in the rooming mishap and how he was able to get away with not having a roommate. After shaking off the thought, he gets himself ready to face the day. _Same shit, different day_.

He makes himself comfortable in his European History gen-ed class; he always arrives early so that he has time to get his thoughts in order. He has his notes from the reading from last night out on his desk, his 5-subject notebook, and a couple of pens ready for use when the class begins. He re-reads his notes from the reading, making sure that he will be able to participate and get the participation credit for the day. He's re-reading his notes about how Adolf Hitler should've stayed alive to get his punishment during the Nuremberg Trials, when he hears his name being called by the professor, accomplishing taken out of his reverie.

"Mr. Mitchell, will you please help our new addition to the class get acquainted with the syllabus?" The professor asked of Logan.

Logan looks up and sees a tall, sandy-haired, hazel-eyed young man next to his professor. He hasn't ever seen this guy before, and even though the campus is relatively large, Logan feels like he would've recognized him before. _Of course I would've recognized him, he's beautiful_.

"Uh s-s-s-sure Professor Whittaker, I can definitely do that" Logan stutters, realizing he's been staring at the guy for longer than necessary.

"Great, now Mr. Diamond, you can take the seat next to Mr. Mitchell, and I can begin our class…" the professor trails off, beginning today's lecture.

"So, Mr. Mitchell, do you have a first name?" the sandy-haired guy says as he takes his seat, opening his laptop, ready to maybe learn something.

"It's Logan, you?" Logan asks

"James." And the smile James gives Logan is one that, if to be quite honest, makes his heart soar.

~*~LINE BREAK~*~

As the class ends, Logan quickly gathers his belongings, ready to bolt out of class. He's halfway out the door when he feels a tap on his shoulder.

Smiling sheepishly, James asks "Hey, so I was wondering if you could maybe show me where all my classes are? I'm brand new here, and I haven't had the time to really explore the school."

Logan blinks and swallows real quick, not expecting how nice James is. Normally, from Logan's experience, people who looks like James are douchebags and are really rude, not really Logan's favorite type of people to communicate with.

"I guess I can do that, let me see your schedule." Logan requests, and as James hands it over, he quickly scans all his classes, and laughs quietly.

"Well, it looks like we are both enrolled in the same classes, how does that happen?" Logan questions more to himself than to James.

James smirks "Well, why don't you look at that, that will make things easy for me." _Of course I have all the same classes, but some of these classes, I don't even know if I'm going to pass._

"Haha I guess so, listen I usually grab lunch now before heading to my next class at 2:45, and since we have the same class, would you like me to show you where the campus center is?"

"Yeah, that would be amazing, I could go for some grub." James pats his stomach, efficiently alerting Logan that he's probably starving.

"Ok well then, follow me." And Logan makes his way across the campus to the campus center where there's a bunch of different concessions to get quick food from. Along the way, Logan points out various things about the campus, and different buildings that James will have to remember for their classes. James finds Logan's vast knowledge of the school adorable, almost like Logan is a human brochure for the campus. They reach the campus center and quickly stopping at the sandwich and salad concession for some lunch. They find a table and sit down to enjoy their lunch.

"So Logan, tell me about yourself, since we're going to be in the same classes together, we should probably get to know each other." James breaks the ice.

"Well, I'm 20 years old, almost 21. I'm from Pennsylvania and am here on a scholarship. Like you, I'm an accounting major, hoping to be a CPA and build my own firm here. I love math and history, and in my spare time I read. What about you?"

"Like you, I'm 20 years old, almost 21. I'm born and raised here in California, and am a true surfer dude. I recently decided to declare a major in accounting, and transferred from a community college to this prestigious school by some ounce of pure luck. I love the beach, music, shopping, and making sure I look my best at all times." And to reinforce what he just said, he took out a compact mirror and began to "fix" himself, even though Logan saw no reason to have to fix anything.

They eat in a comfortable, yet slightly awkward silence, not really knowing what to say next. Except James always has something to say.

"So tell me about your parents, what are they like?" James asks innocently.

Logan takes a deep breath, realizing this was going to come about at some point. "Well, my dad is a piece of shit, and my mother passed away when I was in high school."

"Oh Logan, I'm sorry, I didn't realize…" And James lets that trail off.

"No, you wouldn't have known, it's not like you already know me or have a file all about me." Logan chuckles. _Little does Logan know…_

"Well my mom is the head of Diamond cosmetics, and I'm constantly her guinea pig on all her new products, hence why my skin is so silky smooth. Go ahead, touch my face."

"Nah, I think I'll pass." Logan dismisses.

"No seriously, touch my face." James once again urges Logan.

"Maybe some other time, can I take a rain check? Plus, my hands are dirty, I wouldn't want to clog one of your precious pores." Logan says, half jokingly.

"True, ok, next time." James, fully serious, says.

They once again return to that comfortable, yet slightly awkward silence. Logan then points something out.

"You haven't said anything about your dad. I don't want to step on your toes or anything, you don't need to tell me." Logan says, letting James knows that he can respect people's privacies.

"Nahh, it's ok. I'm an open book; don't be afraid to ask me anything, especially since we're going to be spending the rest of the year together. Well, my dad is in business. He's always busy with his business." James states.

"Oh your dad owns his own business? What type? International, business management, human relations?" Logan curiously asks James.

"You can say that…" James cryptically answers Logan.

"Ummmm ok, I guess that's cool." Logan notes, not really sure what James is talking about.

"Well, it's 2:30, do you want to head to class?" Logan asks James, effectively changing the subject.

"I guess, you're the genius after all." James says, effectively making Logan blush.

~*~LINE BREAK*~*

James and Logan make their way out of their last class. Logan is about to go back to his dorm when he realizes he doesn't know where James lives on campus.

"Oh James, I totally forgot, where do you live on campus? I can show you."

"Ummm, I live in Baker Hall, room 203. Is that close to here? I don't remember exactly where it was, I arrived this morning and I quickly went to Euro History."

Logan stops short, and just stops and stares at James.

"Logan, you're scaring me, why are you staring at me like that?" James asks concerned.

Logan shakes himself of whatever was going on in his mind and answers James. "Welp, looks like we're roommates too. I guess it was about time I actually was assigned a roommate."

"Holy shit, really? What a small fucking world." _Except not really…_

"Yeah, no kidding." Logan chuckles.

They make their way to their dorm, and Logan shows James where everything is, including the en-suite bathroom, to which James is grateful.

"So, partner and now roommate, what is the first order of business?" James jokes

"Well, usually I read for a bit and then grab some dinner, work out at the gym, and then do my work. Feel free to copy whatever I do, I mean you basically are anyway unintentionally."

As James was about to agree, the Mission Impossible ringtone blares from James's pocket, and that ringtone only means one thing…

"I've got to take this call, I'll be right back, don't leave for dinner without me!" James announces as he makes his way to the floor lounge.

~*~LINE BREAK~*~

"So, how is everything?"

"Going as planned. I'm in every one of his classes, I'm his roommate, and hopefully worm my way into being his best friend." James reports back.

"Good, now keep your eye on the prize, don't get tangled in the boy. The quicker it happens, the less attachments you make."

"I know sir."

"Good, so do you have a plan from here on out?"

"Yeah, and this plan isn't something I had to come up with. Logan's an accounting major, as noted in the file, and I will need lots of help. I can probably get him to tutor me."

Bruce chuckles "yeah, well math was never your strong suit."

"No kidding." James agrees and chuckles along with his father, feeling like he has a normal relationship with his father.

"Ok, I'll check in again in a few days, I expect progress."

And just like that, they're back to being professional. "Yes sir."

And with that, the phone clicks. James's next plans are crystal clear in his mind. However, he's afraid Logan will not just worm his way into his plans, but into his heart. And this will make it that much harder to pretend to love Logan, because how can he fake something that could eventually be real?


	4. Chapter 4

_**So I totally forgot to thank all that have reviewed/fav'd/alerted this story in the last chapter. I apologize! But I appreciate all the love, it makes me want to continue to write! **_

_**SOOOO I want to thank all that have reviewed/fav'd/alerted from the last chapter! It means so much, all of you, who continue to read this story. **_

_**SCHOOL'S DONE FOR SUMMER! OH YEAH! Now I can update on a more regulated basis! But I still have work, and one summer class (that doesn't start till end of June anyway, but I'll still be able to write :) )**_

_**This chapter will mainly be in James's POV, unless otherwise stated, I think… I say this now, but I haven't even begun to write yet, and usually I start one way and end up another. **_

_**But fun fact! 24/Seven is released the day before my 21**__**st**__** birthday! Coincidence? I think not ;) Happy Birthday to me! :) I'm so beyond excited for this new album, but I'm afraid of it being their last all together. Don't get me wrong, I'll be excited to see them move on, but something about how (and yes, very cliché) long they've been together and how much time (and money) I've invested in them, it's going to suck when every thing is done. So if you all keep watching and tuning in, there will be a season 5.**_

_**Ok, lets do this!**_

_**I do not own BTR or anything you may recognize… but I wish I did…**_

A few weeks later finds James struggling through his core business classes. He knows he's not a real student, but to continue with the façade, he actually is trying to understand his course work, but math was never his strong suit. Logan and James are currently hanging out in their dorm room. Logan is on his bed, reading The Wall Street Journal _typical business nerd_ and James is struggling through his intermediate 1 financial accounting homework that's due at midnight, which is one hour from now.

"How am I supposed to know in order to increase accounts payable you credit it?" James, clearly frustrated, yells at his computer.

"Because James, The Accounts Payable account is credited when goods or services are purchased on credit terms, as opposed to being purchased for cash." Logan mentions to James.

"How do you remember all this stuff?"

"Because I study and take my time, instead of looking at myself all day." Logan jokes.

"I don't know how I'm going to pass this class, and I really don't know how I'm going to pass this test next week. If it's this hard now, I can't imagine how intense it's going to get from here." James pouts.

"My point is, how do you not know this stuff? Didn't you take an intro to financial accounting class at your last school? I mean you had to have, otherwise you wouldn't be in this class now, since that is a prerequisite." Logan notes.

"…Sure I did." James slyly responds.

"So you don't remember?" Logan asks, raising one eyebrow.

"Well you know, I took this class so long ago, and I guess I just need a refresher. More like a tutor…"

"I guess I could help you out, I mean what are friends for, right?" Logan says with such nonchalance, he hopes James doesn't notice how hopeful he is by saying him and James are friends.

"Really? Logan, that would be amazing!" And James runs to hug him, almost pushing him off the bed.

"Let's start out by finishing this homework, since it's due in a little bit."

"We've got to start somewhere." And the smile James gives Logan is one that Logan will never get tired of.

~*LINE BREAK*~

"I'm calling to inform you of my progress."

"Ok, get on with it, James I have other business to take care of. I can't stay on the phone with you all night."

"Since I truly am struggling in the classes, and to keep up with the student front, Logan is officially my tutor."

"Good. Anything else to report?"

"He considers me a friend, and he sounds very unsure of himself."

"What a shame, well he won't be around much longer to feel that way, right?"

"Affirmative."

"Good work son, call me again next week."

"Will do sir."

As the line goes dead, he begins to wonder when exactly did his relationship with his father become strictly professional.

~*LINE BREAK*~

James is alone in the dorm room, Logan is out tutoring another student _the smart genius he is_, when he gets a knock on the door.

"Hey James, want company?" Kendall, Logan's friend asks James.

"Hey Kendall, sure! Is Carlos with you?"

"HI JAMES!" Carlos shouts

"Well that answers my question"

Kendall and Carlos enter the room, making themselves comfortable. Logan introduced Kendall and Carlos to James after James's first day of classes. Even though James can tell that Logan doesn't have many friends, he can tell that Kendall and Carlos are the closest Logan has to "best friends", but he's sure it must be awkward being the third wheel all the time. Carlos and Kendall are obviously a couple, even before they started making out two seconds after James was introduced.

Kendall clapped his hands together and sat down on James's bed, Carlos following suit.

"Let's get straight to the point," Kendall says, "We're here to talk about Logan."

Carlos jumps in "Even though Logan is so awkward, he's one of our bestest buds. I don't know if you know this, but Logan has a problem with depression. Kendall and I have tried everything to cheer him up, but it's all useless. He never wants to come out with people unless it's going to class, getting food, or something to do with school. Otherwise he usually just stays in his room all night."

Kendall picks up, "But something's changed. Ever since you got here, something has changed, he seems almost happy. You're all he talks about. Logan's past wasn't an easy one, and it's not my place to tell you anything, I'm sure he will tell you when he's ready."

James leans forward, his facial expression showing that he's deep in thought. He asks the two young men, "Do you think I can help Logan come out of his shell?"

"Well, it's worth a shot." Carlos says, contemplative.

"I think if anyone can help him, I think it might just be you James. You seem to already have gotten through to Logan a little bit, maybe you two share something, and if that's so, then I'm happy. Carlos and I really do care about Logan; he's a gentle creature. He doesn't deserve to be miserable." Kendall adds.

"Alright, challenge accepted." James announces to Kendall and Carlos.

Kendall and Carlos high five James, and bring him into a very manly hug. And in that second, James almost forgets why he's actually here.


End file.
